Hi guys, welcome back to The Social Tune! And today, we take a look back on some unfinished business that is LONG overdue: the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2010!
I haven't talked or even thought about 2010 in a very long time. The last time I visited it, it was to count down the best hits all the way back in 2017. And at the time, I stated that 2010 got kind of a bad rep, and honestly held up a little better than I'd expected. In retrospect, I was very optimistic and naïve back then, because going through this year again was an absolute CHORE! 2010 may be a better year than 2009, but it was still an incredibly rough year for the charts, with an abundance of terrible club music, a bunch of adult-alternative drivel, and a few abortive experiments that still make absolutely NO sense to this very day! Seriously, compared to 2020, the year to kick off the last decade was abysmal, and as someone who has tended to call himself a much more level-headed and generous person when it comes to music these past couple of years, making this list made me VERY tried at points, so strap in everyone, because there's going to be blood! However, I gotta say, even I was surprised what ended up making this list. Maybe it's because I've been aware of a lot of these songs since they came out, and therefore I've had over a decade to let a lot of these sit with me, but looking at what I've actually grown to hate in all that time is quite fascinating, and certainly reveals some interesting patterns of mine that we'll be breaking down as we go along.
Hope that sounds entertaining, because we're diving in right now, starting with:
Number 10
So, one noticeable omission from this list will be Train's Hey Soul Sister... because I love it. Yes, I love it ironically, but a song so perfectly ridiculous does not belong on this list. I honestly kinda regret how high songs like Drive By or Wiggle ended up on older lists of mine too, because while they are awful songs, they don't illicit the same anger from me as the songs that truly stick with me in the long run for just how awful they are. And for a while, this fell into the same category... until I realised that charming stupidity can only go so far. Especially with a song that really is just as awful as its title might suggest:
Eenie Meenie by Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber
Oh Sean Kingston, why must your music suck so? Back when I was younger, I actually really liked a lot of this guy's hits... yes, even Beautiful Girls, AKA Suicidal. Sadly, his songs have not aged all that well, as he was a very limited performer who relied a lot on autotune, and usually got outshone by anybody he was collaborating with. Even back then though, I could tell this was a special brand of awful.
This was released back when everyone was making fun of Baby, and was therefore rightfully ridiculed back when it first dropped, but at least that's still a solid song melodically, it's aged pretty well in my opinion! Even at the time, I realised that Baby was nowhere near as bad as this trainwreck, a blur of autotuned vocals and instruments, based around a single synthetic keyboard note, and a drop that has no build-up to it. Seriously, from a production standpoint, this has aged so badly, right down to the way it breaks off into inane stuttering on the bridge!
That brings us to our lyrics, which are somehow even worse than the title would suggest, especially with the way they just loop the same word or syllable to fill up space! Our 2 performers are absolutely buried in this mix, and while I will admit they're both trying their best to sell this, it doesn't change the fact they're acting like douchebags who don't have any presence to back it up! See, contrary to what you might think, this girl is NOT an Eenie meenie miney mo lover... God I feel sick writing that out. In fact, it seems like these 2 just asked her out, both got turned down, and yet neither can take "no" for an answer! So instead, they place the blame on HER, and the proceed to demonstrate just why she was absolutely right to run the other way!
Sean Kingston starts off by saying "Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a bad chick by her toe"... which sort of implies HE's the eenie meenie miney mo love here... moron. However, he then says that if she hollers, you should let her go... ok, VERY questionable, but I'd overlook it so long as you actually DID let her go. But no, instead you spend your entire first verse telling her that you're Mr. Right, and that looking for options elsewhere is a terrible idea! He then accuses her of being the type to love them and leave them... smooth! And while he then continues to insist she can't make up her mind, it seems pretty fucking clear she has, and that you just can't leave her alone, you little creep! At least Bieber tries to be more charming and make himself sound like a more appealing option, but I guess she turned him down too, because he then also accuses her of the same things as Sean, which makes even less sense because we never actually see her turn him down!
This song is just preteen melodrama, where neither of these 2 understand how to deal with rejection. And while I don't want to fault them too much, as they were just kids here, it doesn't change the fact that the song still sounds terrible, with one of the most juvenile choruses I've ever heard. There's a reason this one got ridiculed so much back then, and it still deserves it to this day!
Number 9
I'm aware that a lot of people have come around on this guy. He had a big comeback a few years later that made a lot of us reconsider his place in pop music, and even made several of us consider him as a legitimate artist. And yes, his follow-up hit was amazing... but if anything, it only highlighted just how bad his first one had been. Because this was pathetic 11 years ago, and the past decade has not been kind to it.
Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner
I Took A Pill In Ibiza, specifically the Seeb remix, is one of the most perfect hits of the past decade, a bright spot in what was otherwise an awful year for the Hot 100. And for a while, I considered giving this a pass out of respect for that song. Here's the problem: part of the reason that song works so well is because of how awful this one was. And while I've heard a lot of people give this a pass based on the beat... was it ever really that good? Or at least, is it good enough to justify just how pathetic this song is?!
See, much like the 2 children on the last song, this has a guy getting turned down by a girl, and then flipping the blame back on her. The issue is, he was 22, old enough to know better! And with that in mind, his reaction is pretty fucking lame... not helped by just how much he goes on about it! See, at least Sean and Justin attempted to woo the girl on their song. Here, Posner dives straight into the bitter, defensive reaction of being turned down, and it goes on for way too long to be tolerable! Heck, he starts out by saying if he could write a better song, he would already have her... and while that self-burn is already bad enough, it also implies a sense of entitlement that really rubs me the wrong way! And it only get worse from there, as he then begins to list out all the ways that she thinks she's cooler than him, even though she doesn't realise just how lame she is, with her loud footsteps, her make-up and her designer shades... dude, what the fuck are you on about?
I especially love how he says that everybody else knows these things about her too, like he's SO sure we're going to side with him here. Sure, maybe she's being dismissive of you, but you're clearly much worse! This song is just pissy, and Posner's reedy delivery only makes it more unbearable! There's a way to do this type of song well, but all the lines that should make us side with him are so incompetently written and nonsensical that you can't remotely side with him! 24kGoldn is entitled to like this track all he wants, but personally, fuck this song, and thank God this didn't end up being Mike Posner's only hit... man, would that have been humiliating!
Number 8
Then again, for as pathetic as our last 2 songs were about striking out, the opposite isn't necessarily better. Because there's a way to compliment someone correctly... and then there's... this:
Sexy Bitch by David Guetta (Ft. Akon)
You know, I'm not placing this higher on the list purely because I genuinely believe these 2 are idiots. I believe that they both thought this song was a compliment, possibly even empowering. If it weren't for the fact that I have seen girls actively boo the DJ when this came on, I'd even consider placing it much lower. But the fact is, this song is completely idiotic, and a wild miscalculation on the part of our performers on what they can conceivably get away with.
Now, Akon is pretty stupid on this, with the way he brings up local rumours she's probably insecure about, which frames this as a song where he's coming to her defense. And yeah, based on the hook, and the fact that he says she's way better than your average neighbourhood whore... he's not the best at it. But the rest of the lyrics are almost kind of complementary, if clumsy, so despite terrible writing, I would have been willing to give this a pass... except for that pre-chorus! The fact that he actively says he's trying to find the words to describe this girl "without being disrespectful" and he came up with THAT... I mean, the only way it makes sense is if it's a joke, right? Well, if it's not... wow, but even if it is, that's pretty terrible, because it actively makes all the affection he's tried to display up to that point feel hollow, like he was just saying it as a lead-up to a bad punchline! When in reality, the only joke here is the production, which is compressed, basic, and blaring in the worst possible way!
Seriously, I'm no David Guetta fan... AT ALL, but this is just ugly! I guess the verses are aright, with that watery backdrop, but the second that pre-chorus hits, I immediately tune out! Not to mention the hook itself, which doesn't pack any kind of real punch, even outside of the terrible lyrics! This song just fails on every level, as a dance song, a love song or even as a joke! Screw this, and the 2 pea-brains who put it together!
Number 7
I know many people who will claim this man ran out of ideas years ago. That he peaked early, then stuck around for an entire decade to become one of the biggest artists of all time. That's one theory.
Here's another: he was always kinda terrible.
Say Something by Drake (Ft. Timbaland)
Yes, my love-hate relationship with Drake continues, and we go back a lonnnnnng way. Right from the start, I was torn between genuinely enjoying Forever, snoring at Best I Ever Had and utterly despising this! Because while he would go on to make worse music, this was the first real indicator of Drake's second nature. See, Aubrey has always had problems with the women in his life. He tends to get on with younger ones just fine, but any girl who knows him long enough tends to discover how blatantly immature and juvenile he is when it comes to his romantic relationships. He's petty, he's confrontational, and usually refuses to take any blame unless it specifically paints him as a noble martyr. And while nowadays, that's a given, maybe even part of his appeal in a twisted way, this particular track was a new look from my perspective, at a guy acting like a selfish, needy asshole!
Say Something is framed as a celebratory anthem of Drake's success in the past couple of years, with Timbaland providing production and a dick-sucking echo chamber. However, that's not actually what it ends up being about, as our 2 performers instead spend the entire time complaining about their girlfriends who they lost after becoming famous! And look, I get that fame can change people and put pressure on relationships, that's fine. But for some baffling reason, these 2 decide to play the role of the dicks who get defensive after being called out FOR changing!
The basis of their argument is "I'm awesome now, why can't you just be happy for my success?", which once again, fair enough. Sometimes people drag you down and you need to leave them behind. But do you have to be such a bragging prick about it?! There's something that really rubs me the wrong way about how they brag about their success and then display disregard for their exes, going on about how their status has changed, and how they snidely brag about having everything and their girlfriends getting left behind, all with an expectation that the other person will just put up with their bullshit and refusing to understand otherwise. And it's not just the words, it's the tone!
Drake's more energetic and braggadocious side usually works well for me, but here it's at the expense of a girl he's dragging through the mud, then calling out by telling her to say something! Why should she when you're being such a massive asshole?! Yet Timbaland may be even worse! Not only is the production just TERRIBLE, a single loop of blurred synths that never evolves or changes, and constantly ends on a higher note which makes you feel like it's leading into something else and never resolves itself, but he should definitely know better after over a decade in the spotlight! Seriously, the way he says he expected her to become his diamond under the pressure would be clever if it didn't feel so deeply manipulative!
This song is blatant entitlement going to somebody's head, expecting everyone to just move with their success and live by their drumbeat. They're unable to look past their own fragile egos and like with a lot of the songs on this list, reveal just how blatantly immature they are. It's a bad look, and an unfortunate sign of a side of Drake he wouldn't be too quick to abandon in the decade that followed. Guy's got a new album coming out soon, and based on the title "Certified Lover Boy", something tells me we're going to see a lot more of this side of him soon... joy.
Number 6
Right up until a couple of weeks before writing this, I had Tie Me Down by New Boyz on this list. It's an obvious pick, as its content is ugly misogyny and the song sounds like death. And yet I can't say I hate it. It weighs me down and makes me roll my eyes, but it just doesn't provoke a visceral reaction from me in the way the other songs here do. To me, a song like that doesn't belong on this list, even if I'd be entirely justified in placing it here.
So yeah, that song all of you hate for being the worst, not making this list. On the other hand, there's this song that everyone seems to give a pass despite being SHIT...
I Like It by Enrique Iglesias (Ft. Pitbull)
Enrique doesn't have the best track record here on The Social Tune. He has made my top 10 worst hits of multiple years and I've regularly called him out for trying to play into roles that don't suit him at all. Enrique isn't the guy on Escape who will stalk you till you love him. Nor is he the guy on Tonight I'm Fucking You, who... well, see title. No, he's the smooth Latin lover who seduces you gently and slowly... right? Honestly, I don't know anymore; the more I hear from him, the more I wonder whether he was ever all that smooth to begin with. However, I will say that even on his worst songs, he gives a somewhat decent vocal performance... with one BIG exception.
Don't get me wrong, the content on this IS terrible, for sure! It boils down to Enrique and Pitbull cheating on their girlfriends with random girls whose boyfriends are out of town, typical douchebaggery. But hey, he likes the way you move as he ogles you on the dancefloor, so that excuses everything, right? But honestly, I only realised that recently, and it never contributed to why I detest this song. No, that would be for the way it sounds!
Pitbull is awful here and he's still the best part of the song for me. Sure, he's spouting clichés and his verse is awful, with so much repetition that I'd swear he's freestyling, but at least he fits! Meanwhile Enrique is alternating between this ugly, distorted nasal delivery which makes him sound like he's croaking, and unbelievably strained belting on the hook, which is all the proof I need as to why he should never try it again! Stick to cooing, it's what you're good at, clearly! And that's before the AWFUL falsetto on the bridge, which practically matches the tone of the synths and almost sends this song into the uncanny valley!
Because yes, the production. Is. Ghastly!!! That's the only word I can think of that truly depicts the horror I feel whenever this bloody noise comes on, with the blaring, fuzzy synths, the inanely pounding beat and that incessant BEEPING that never fucking goes away! Oh, the rest of this instrumental vomit does its best to cover it up, but it's impossible for me to ignore and for some reason it just drives me up the wall!
In short, this is abysmal, it's damn close to Enrique's worst hit! I get that to most, this is a dancefloor staple, but to me, this is one of the few songs that's guaranteed to make me leave any club in a heartbeat. Screw this mess!
Number 5
For a long time, I was convinced this song was something it wasn't. To explain, based on the title, and the overall delivery, I thought this was a song inviting someone to blow you... literally, in the vein of a song like Birthday Sex by Jeremih. Now, upon closer inspection when making this list, I have since discovered that's not at all what it's about, so I considered leaving it off the list entirely... until I realised that my hatred for it still ran pretty deep regardless. So, let's discuss the worst song Trey Songz has ever made!
Say Aah by Trey Songz (Ft. Fabolous)
Again, for many years, I was convinced that when Trey Songz sang "say ahhhhhh" on the hook, he intended to stick he dick in my mouth. I'm not exactly sure why, and I'd rather not think about it too hard either, especially considering this guy's history of mistreating women... which is code for "he allegedly beat up his girlfriend, choked her and threw her phone off a fucking cliff" in case you didn't hear about THAT.
However, as it turns out, this song is just an innocent little tune about filling you up on drinks on your birthday. It's sweet... even though he opens up the song by saying "What's your name?" which implies they've just met... kinda weird that he should be so eager to fill up her cup repeatedly and continuously across the entire song. Especially when he suggests bringing her up to his room and beating her body like a congo- WOW that didn't age well!!! Also, Congo is a country, not a drum, you're thinking of a conga... she blow that dick like a cello, anyone? Now, there are other minor offenses, lyrically speaking. He rhymes "bar" with "dough"... ummm no. He also thought it was a good idea to say "Tryna get you Homer, would you be Marge Simpson?"... *SIGH* But here's the real issue: by the time Fabolous shows up, he says that the girl is probably too drunk to recognise him... which does imply that they really have been drinking just as much as the lyrics indicated. Again, this is very worrisome for a girl that Trey Songz has only just met and clearly wants to hook up with! Which Fabolous only makes more clear by offering her MORE drinks, and saying he intends to "bust off"... ewwww!!! And then it gets even darker, as she starts to wonder what was in her drink, and Fabolous just laughs, thanks his lucky stars for Patron, and ends his verse with "girl, I know you thirsty but don't know where your glass at"... Look, this may not be as explicit as Rick Ross actively saying he put molly in her champagne and then fucked her without her knowledge, but the implication is just as present here! This is a song that starts off vaguely threatening, and the goes right off the rails by the end! It's just so goddamn creepy... and yet that's not even the main reason it's here; no, that's because of this production! I'm serious, this is one of the most irritating hit songs I've heard in the past decade! It's way too fast-paced to be a drinking song, and it's mostly based around that same stuttering synth line which never shuts the fuck up! It persists throughout almost the entire thing, punctuated by random bleeps, handclaps, record scratches and all supported with that ominous bass, which makes the lyrics feel all the more unsettling, especially towards the end of Fabolous' verse!
In other words, while I initially gave this song credit for NOT being a song requesting a blowjob, what it really is may be something far more sinister! A song that went from disgusting, to incredibly annoying, to intensely unsettling. This song and I have been on quite a journey these past 10 years, and I'm absolutely convinced after all that time that it fully deserves to be here!
Number 4
There are some songs that are so blatantly strange in concept that you're initially not quite sure how to take it. Look at Grace by Aesop Rock, a song about saying grace at dinner and hating vegetables; initially, I had no idea what to make of a grown man making a song like this, it's just so WEIRD! Now I adore it, but I always remember my initial reaction of abject confusion.
However, there are other songs that also try to be quirky and weird, and which don't age nearly as well. Especially when they were always just fucking annoying!
My First Kiss by 3OH!3 (Ft. Ke$ha)
Comedy is subjective, and nowhere is that more true than in music. What I find entertaining, you might call childish or boring, depending on the artist I'm referring to. And I can accept that, not everyone is going to like Ninja Sex Party or Father John Misty as much as me and that's fine. However, in the same way, you have to understand that the appeal of 3OH!3 utterly escapes me! I know several people I respect who have shouted them out or given them props for their music in the past and even in discussing this song in particular and... no, I don't get why.
To me, these 2 come across as dumb frat boys who decided to make music in order to get laid. And as I gather, that's all a front, and they're in fact really intelligent. Which is what should make Ke$ha such a natural fit for them, they essentially have very similar backgrounds and types of music. And yet, call me biased, but I have never found them anywhere near as talented melodically. Kesha, even today, has always had great instincts as a composer, with a great ear for hooks. Even in 2010, despite some failed experiments, she still had the biggest song of the year with TikTok, as well as the excellent Take It Off, both of which worked because they were inclusive and fun! Meanwhile 3OH!3 always portrayed characters who were far too unlikeable to be redeeming. And My First Kiss is the pinnacle of their misguided formula!
The song sounds like ass. The only tolerable moment is the first part of the chorus, which actually has a pretty solid melody line, but then that beat just cuts out and gets all staccato as they get to the "my first kiss" part, not to even mention the horrible kissing sounds being projected right into my eardrum like some creepy reimagining of The Whisper Song! And even that good melody gets utterly butchered on the bridge where they turn it into stupid call-and-response shouting with fake record scratches to add to the fun!
That's the other part of this I can't stand, so much of the melody is abandoned in favour of synthetic percussion, ugly snares and handclaps, which leads to a song with way too much empty space! It doesn't sound like a hit song, it sounds like the Nickelodeon or YouTube parody of a hit song, except even they were occasionally better produced than this. Either way, this is utter trash, and when even Kesha herself doesn't come close to saving a song for me, that's a bad sign!
Number 3
Aaaaand speaking of concepts that were probably best left unexplored:
If I Die Young by The Band Perry
Why does this exist? No seriously, I don't understand why this was made. Generally when I discuss country music on a worst list, it's for poor production choices or for someone obviously being a douche. It's rare that I get to thrash a song this pretty on a production level. However, behind that twinkling guitar pickup and those strings lies a song that is as baffling as it is atrocious.
You see, this is a brand of country that I'm not actually a huge fan of: Princess Country. It's a similar brand of what Taylor Swift were putting out at the time, and I didn't like any of it, whether it be Mine or Today Was A Fairytale. But you know what, at least Taylor was just fantasising about finding the perfect guy and other typical teenage daydreams that don't matter in the long run. She wasn't dreaming about finally being taken seriously after she died!!!
I don't think this is a controversial thing to say: a young person dying is always a tragedy. Even if the person in question wasn't entirely morally sound, their age means that they usually still had time to improve themselves and possibly repent for some of their transgressions. And especially in recent years, as we've witnessed the deaths of Pop Smoke, Juice WRLD, Mac Miller, Avicii and many others, the message of this song sours me SO much! It's essentially Kimberly Perry daydreaming about her funeral, planning it out in detail in the way that usually befits a wedding. And while that's an almost comical premise, it's all played very seriously, even underlining the tragedy of it with "the sharp knife of a short life."
And that's just the part everyone knows about. Trigger warning, but people often miss the other subtle, messed-up moments on the verses where she tries to bring faith into it. Like when she beseeches God to make her a rainbow so that she can shine down on her mourning mother. Or the chipper delivery behind the imagery of a woman who "ain't even gray, but she buries her baby." And the wonder with which she describes wearing white as she enters Heaven, with a ring around her "little cold finger." I understand that this is trying to come from a place of faith, but there's something genuinely unsettling about the way she almost seems to be BEGGING for her own death, and the unhealthy obsession with being pure and untouched that is very prevalent in a lot of religious teachings, which in turn lies at the root of a lot of self-hatred and guilt that plagues society. And even if you relate to that aspect to some degree, there's still the fact that most religions frown on this sort of dismissive attitude towards life. However, what really rubs me the wrong way about all this and which really colours the song in an ugly context is the bridge, when she muses that her thoughts are now worth so much more now that she's dead... FUCK you!
This is trying to be edgy and wise, possibly even trying to comment on the fact that we never take certain people seriously until they're gone. But it's not that smart, so instead it frames itself as a fantasy, one that teenagers can possibly slot themselves into and start wondering "Wait. Maybe if I die, people will finally care!" It's a cry for attention in the most dangerous way possible, feigning wisdom and in the process creating a message that could have REALLY serious consequences! It's no better than AJR encouraging nihilism to young people on BANG!, it's a fucking disgrace! I mean come on, twenty one pilots were preaching about the dangers of glamourising death on Neon Gravestones just a couple of years ago!!!
This song is juvenile in a way that might be actively harmful, and I'm sad to say it probably has its audience of people naïve enough to believe it. Initially I even considered placing this at number 1... but for as much as it sickens me, it's still not the most sickening song of 2010. So what was worse?
Number 2
The reason I love this artist is because she created a parody that felt so real that some people still fall for it to this day, all while creating incredibly melodic and fun pop music. A lot of people underestimate how much work goes into perfecting such a caricature, because it's a very delicate balance that can easily tilt over the edge if not handled carefully. However, while there were some borderline moments on that debut album, for the most part, she nailed it... with one unfortunate exception.
Blah Blah Blah by Ke$ha (Ft. 3OH!3)
Let me be clear: this isn't just a bad Kesha song. I've loved her music for years, and even I acknowledge that this isn't just bad by her standards. No, this is horrendous by ANY stretch of the imagination, a song that I am always inclined to give the benefit of the doubt until I play it again and immediately go stone-faced.
Let's get the obvious out of the way first: this sounds atrocious! Benny Blanco is hit-or-miss in general, but this has got to be one of his worst efforts right here! The ugly and poorly-used autotune, especially when it comes to the multitracking. The badly-timed sound effects, the opening 2 seconds that are just embarrassing in every way, the horrendous beeping synths, and overall the complete lack of subtlety from anything! It's all minor keys and out-of-tune instrumentation clashing with the main melody line, which makes it feel incredibly obnoxious and the furthest thing from fun! Say what you will about TiK ToK, at least it's genuinely just trying to have a good time! Say what you will about Take It Off, but it revels in in debauchery in a way that feels genuinely enjoyable! Meanwhile Blah Blah Blah isn't interested in anything except annoying you, perpetually and without respite!
Now, the question comes in WHY she did this. Well, this is where I've heard some critics make the argument that this is all by design, that she's intentionally depicting just how obnoxious all these guys are coming up to her and bothering her at the club, kinda similar to what Meghan Trainor did on NO a few years later. And you know, if that were what she was going for, as ugly as it sounds, you can't deny she succeeded. However, there are 2 problems with that line of reasoning: 1) even if that were the point, the song takes the parody too far and becomes even worse than what it was originally making fun of, something I like to call the "Vampires Suck Effect". And 2) that's not what this song is about at all. Because Kesha isn't playing the girl mocking the lecherous guys trying to chat her up while she's trying to have fun. No, she's actually mocking the guys who are nervously wasting time talking instead of just fucking her.
Now, again, that's her prerogative. I'm well-aware that some people like to play fast and loose and have no time for idle chit-chat, they're just looking for a quick hook-up. But the problem is that she's still playing it like THIS! She comes off as insanely unlikeable and obnoxious on this song, so that I have no choice but to feel bad for the poor guys who are trying to have a conversation with her. Or I would if I could take any of this seriously, because this is so over-the-top that you can't even take it as a genuine portrayal of the bad guy. Anyone who would feel empowered by this character won't be able to enjoy this song because of how clearly they're being mocked, and anybody else just feels disgust for everything on display here! It's a song that just doesn't work on ANY level, and it's so sonically horrendous that I doubt it even works in a so-bad-it's-good vein.
I can't even blame 3OH!3 for their contribution here because they add absolutely nothing. They're not trying to be funny or tell jokes, they're just pissy and falsely braggadocious just like the rest of this mess! I'm not remotely a fan of this duo, and even I can acknowledge this was a terrible use of them, for shame!
Look, this song is just terrible. It's Ke$ha vastly overplaying her hand and taking the parody too far to the point where nobody can enjoy it anymore. I don't know a single person who can wholeheartedly defend this, even among her fans, and I'm relieved to report that she's never made anything close to this bad in the decade that followed.
So that begs the question: what was worse? Well, let's pretend we don't all know while we run through some dishonourable mentions:
Dishonourable Mentions:
Your Love by Nicki Minaj
An oft-forgotten turd. It's amazing to me just how confused and incohesive this is, with a bizarre sample choice, a checked-out performer and too many cringeworthy lines to count. Would have absolutely made the list in a stronger year.
Teach Me How To Dougie by Cali Swag District
Terrible, but there have been worse dance songs over the years. At least this one's more boring than annoying.
How Low by Ludacris
Yeah, this seems to be the one Ludacris hit nobody can get behind; boundless charisma can can only make up for so many irritating vocal effects.
Imma Be by The Black Eyed Peas
Too meme-worthy to really hate. And controversial opinion, it's way better than this fucking shit:
Rock Your Body by The Black Eyed Peas
This was the final cut from this list and it was a painful one... Lot of people give this a pass when compared to Imma Be, but at least that song's enjoyably bad, while this is just horrible NOISE, with way too many ugly effects clashing in a fever dream of awful!
Forever Young by Jay-Z & Mr. Hudson
Wow... this is really bad... why doesn't this get brought up more often?!
Bed Rock by Young Money
Once again, kinda love how bad this one is. Still terrible, but enjoyable. And on the flip side:
Tie Me Down by New Boyz
I may not have put it on the list, but New Boyz are still the worst. If it weren't for Backseat or Better With the Lights Off, this would probably piss me off way more.
Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars
I don't care, this is awful, boring, basic, plain, insipid, I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it!!!
Misery by Maroon 5
Incessantly catchy, but this was the first song that really made me notice how much Adam Levine reminded me of a honking goose. Plus it's pissy as Hell and not in a fun way.
Lover, Lover by Jerrod Niemann
Sorry baby, I'm leaving, I've met someone else, and you know what you did! ... I'm not going to specify anything you did, possibly because you didn't do anything at all and I'm just a cheating bastard. ... But still, fuck you, give me sympathy audience!
Like A G6 by Far East Movement (Ft. The Cataracs & DEV)
Iconic. And hideous.
Ok, let's wrap this up.
Number 1
... Look, I tried. But at the end of the day, the obvious answer is sometimes the correct one. And as much as it's fun to be subversive and to double-bluff your audience, sometimes you just need to echo the public consensus in order to drive home exactly how bad something truly is. And of course, who better to highlight the worst hits of 2010, the start of a decade with so many awful hits, than the man himself:
Deuces by Chris Brown (Ft. Tyga & Kevin McCall)
I'll admit, this was a lot closer than it has been in the past. Objectively speaking, I can't deny that Blah Blah Blah sounds WAAAAAY worse than this, and I genuinely had to think hard about whether or not it shouldn't top this list. But ultimately, this is the one that won out, purely for how unflinchingly unpleasant it is to listen to.
Deuces is a kiss-off to an ex. A very pissy and downbeat kiss-off where Chris Brown, Tyga and Kevin McCall - 3 absolutely horrendous human beings in their downtime by the way - team up to collectively tell their exes to fuck right off by throwing up the deuces. This is a 2-fingered gesture one would throw up when they're done with someone emotionally, mentally, in every way. And to be honest... what annoys me personally about this song is the complete waste of potential! No, really, there is a place for pissy kiss-off anthems, and framed the right way, Deuces could have been a great one, based on that gesture alone! How many of us have been tired or done with someone to the point where we just didn't want to think about them anymore for how draining they are, we've all been there, right? And the thought of ending an argument with a killer final word, chucking up the deuces and walking away, that would feel amazing! If only... but sadly the song is completely dour and mi-se-ra-ble!
See, the key ingredient to most good break-up songs in this vein is catharsis. To feel like a release of pressure and anger and misery, not to wallow in it like these 3 are doing throughout this entire song. They spend the whole time winging and moaning about their exes and telling them all the ways they're going to make their lives miserable rather than just moving on! In other words, "deuces" don't apply here, because you're all clearly set on staying invested in order to be complete assholes, the title doesn't even fit your damn song!
And then of course, you have the other big issue with this: the content. See, these 3 are nothing if not vindictive, and BOY do they want to showcase it here! It makes Chris Brown's opening lines calling her a vulture, waiting for him to fuck up, feel incredibly hypocritical right out the gate. And to have the gall to follow that up saying that you're going to find a girl who can "keep it drama free"... pot, meet kettle. He's trying so hard to sound dismissive and above her, but you just KNOW he's the one who called her up after she already broke up with him, it's so insecure and pathetic! This was Chris' first single released after his 3rd studio album Graffiti TANKED because the public had boycotted him for some reason - hmmm, I WONDER WHY - and it's the last tone I wanted to hear from this little shit!
It's a SAD statement when Tyga, of all people, probably fairs the best out of the 3! He starts out his verse pathetically, placing all of the blame on her because "you know women lie", then defensively saying he's not always going to be there for her to run to... as if anybody would ever need him for anything. However, the lines about not vibing and sitting alone in awkward silence, that's pretty rough, I ALMOST felt that. Too bad he spoils it by demanding his giant engagement ring back, then tries to play off the deuces, even though nobody is buying he's remotely over her. And even if you felt a twinge of guilt for the child predator for a moment there, don't worry, Kevin McCall's verse will soon drive ALL of that out of your mind!
I'm serious, it's amazing how terrible he is here, For one, unlike the other 2, he doesn't seem to have a concrete reason why he's breaking up with her, other than to say "I'm a dick, so it shouldn't be that hard to swallow"... Funnily enough, I just gagged. He then reveals that he's cheating on her with another girl who knows her place and never complains, and even tries to make a cheeky reference to Usher, haha, don't you even fucking DARE! Then you have the infamous line "Like Tina did Ike in the limo, it finally hit me"... okay, I get that sounds bad, but I THINK he means he's like Tina because he's fighting back against his ex, who is Ike? So it's still terrible, just not in the way everyone initially thinks... maybe I'm giving to much credit to the guy who allegedly abused his pregnant ex.
And he finishes off his verse by promising that she'll hear all about the things he's going to do with his new girl, just to be spiteful. Because I needed more reasons to hate you and find you completely irredeemable, thank you! ... Starting to see why this topped the list?
The fact is, as abhorrent or unlistenable as several of the song of 2010 are, this is the only one that makes me feel genuinely disgusted when it plays. It's supposed to be played by freshly broken-up guys feeling bad for themselves, and it doesn't succeed in making anyone feel better. Again, there's no catharsis, no real closure, nothing that accompanies the relief behind the meaning of "deuces" in real life, just pure, unadulterated bitterness. And while it was closer than it's been in other years, that's why Deuces is the worst hit song of 2010. Thank God I'm finally done with this song... deuces.
So yeah, that was the worst that 2010 had to offer! I'm sure you all have some disagreements, maybe wondering where certain songs are, so please vent in the comments! Also, if you could like and share this post around a bit, that'd be juuuust peachy. Oh, and make sure you subscribe to the blog and follow me on Twitter so you never miss a thing. And hey, until the next time, I'm Fionn and this is The Social Tune signing off.